I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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