Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
