Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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