I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
