i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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