i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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