im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She said her name was "party"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
