I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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