Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
