Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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