dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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