just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize