Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
