Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
