Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
