New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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