Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
