Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
