he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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