I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
