Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
50% drunk capacity currently
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
