you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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