I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
