thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
