Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
