1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
