He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
