Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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