2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
