Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
