How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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