I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
