oh god the rape fog is back!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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