can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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