well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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