my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
