were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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