I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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