You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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