I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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