I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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