i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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