Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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