I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
