Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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