So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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