I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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