youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
