I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
