He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
