But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
