just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize