hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
