Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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