In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize