i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm just crazy horny about you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
