Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
