She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I still have a little drunk in my system
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
