So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
