Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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