you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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