You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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