She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
