Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
