I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
