Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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