she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
