I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
