You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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