i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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