I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
